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Home Personal Development Understanding the Kinesthetic Relating Style

Understanding the Kinesthetic Relating Style

There are three relating styles: kinesthetic, visual, and auditory. Kinesthetic oriented people respond to touch and act on how they feel. Kinesthetic people like to engage in affectionate rough housing, as well as being held for long periods of time. 

Kinesthetic persons often use terms such as these in conversation:
  • "I just felt as if..."
  • "I'll handle it."
  • "I feel like we really connected."
  • "Take it easy."
Physical contact and feelings are their primary love language. Kinesthetic people often feel overwhelmed or feel picked on in a verbal conflict.
 
When communicating with a kinesthetic oriented person, a soft touch on the arm means you care, you're interested, and you're listening. Often the kinesthetic person will touch you as they are speaking as well.
 
In the work field, a handshake is often offered and expected by a kinesthetic person. Not only is a handshake proper and a sign of respect to the kinesthetic person, but it is also a personal connection. In addition, they may put their arm around your shoulders while walking and talking. This is how they communicate and connect.
 
Kinesthetic people are hard to motivate, however, because they often can't get past how they're feeling in the moment. They are very emotionally driven and often let their emotions control their actions. Kinesthetic oriented persons also react to gut instincts and tend not to base decisions on reason or logic.
 
Kinesthetic Relating in Love Relationships
 
In a relationship with a kinesthetic oriented person, if you don't touch them often, they may not feel loved by you. They may feel rejected and not even know why.
 
If your loved one is saying things like, "You never touch me," or "You never cuddle with me anymore," their love tank may be empty. Fill it up with some meaningful and long snuggles on the couch, a big bear hug or a nice back massage. Then keep their hearts filled by giving them the touching, hugging, and snuggling they are thirsting for.
 
Understanding the Three Different Relating Styles
 
It's important in all relationships, including your spouse, children, siblings, friends or co-workers, to understand the different relating styles, as well as how to communicate effectively using them.
 
Visual
 
For the visually oriented person, using picture words is the best way to communicate. The best gifts for the visually oriented person are tangible gifts, or one's they can actually "see" such as:
  • Books
  • Cards or notes
  • Flowers
When speaking to the visually oriented person, look them directly in the eye and expect to be "examined" by them as well. Be aware of your body language and facial expressions, as they'll be determining if they trust what you're saying based on those two elements.
 
Auditory
 
For the auditory oriented person, communicating in soft tones and positive affirmations says you care and are interested in them. The best gifts for the auditory oriented person are:
  • Music
  • Audio books
  • Concerts
Verbal communication is very important to the auditory oriented person. They process issues or problems by talking them out. If the auditory oriented person doesn't hear the words "I love you" frequently enough, they may not feel loved.
 
How to Tell Which Type of Person You're Dealing With
 
Knowing how to determine someone's relating style is important and can usually be determined in the first few minutes after meeting for the first time. If the person looks you directly in the eye or seems to "look you up and down," they're visual. If they do most of the talking right away, they're most likely an auditory type of person. If they touch you on the arm or reach for a handshake immediately, they're kinesthetic.
 
Just knowing these few characteristics will help you strengthen your current relationships and start off on the right foot when getting to know someone new.
 
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